Showing posts with label Visions. Show all posts

He's been speaking to me a lot lately about what it means to minister to Him...to be honest, I don't really know anything about this. I've never really heard about this, but when Janet talked to me about this on Sunday, it struck a chord in me because the Lord has been telling me for the longest time about how my ministry is first and foremost to Him. I've been asking Him to teach me so that I would know what it means because I just don't understand how I, a mere human could possibly minister to the heart of God.

Today while I was spending time with Him, He spoke to me.

"You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride;
you have stolen my heart
with one glance of your eyes,
with one jewel of your necklace.

How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride!
How much more pleasing is your love than wine,
and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice!

Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride;
milk and honey are under your tongue."
Song of Songs 4:9-11

He told me that this passage is the truth of what happens when I look at Him. He really is overwhelmed and moved by love whenever I turn my glance and fix it upon Him. That is me ministering to His heart! All I have to do is incline my eyes upon His beauty and set my heart upon Him, praising and worshipping Him in adoration. That is my ministry unto Him!

It got me so excited because I realized that this makes such a difference for me. Even in so-called "unanointed times" or in seasons where I feel so dry when I'm spending time with Him, I can have confidence in this: that everytime I whisper His name and look at Him, His heart is moved with pleasure! Even if I might not 'feel' anything in that moment, the truth is that I can bring pleasure to the heart of my God when I love Him! How cool is that???

He really, really enjoys us! He's not stern and angry, but so, so, so kind and merciful and so full of joy! He doesn't expect anything from us...He knows exactly how we were made, and He is so humble that even though He is King, He doesn't force us to worship Him. And so when we freely choose to worship and exalt Him, He is so moved!

It's like when we expect people to meet our needs, then suddenly no matter how much they give, it's never enough. But when we stop putting our expectations on people, then every act of love they do for us is suddenly so precious!

I was listening to Dana Candler from IHOP speaking earlier, and she said that what struck her so much was that when Jesus walked here on earth, even though He was the most rejected man ever, His heart was so open and so full of love. Even as people betrayed Him and rejected Him, He was still loving them without any bitterness because He had no pride or arrogance in Him. All He had was goodness and kindness. Then she said something that blew my mind. She said something along the lines of if that was how Jesus loved when He was being rejected, then can you imagine how much He is moved with pleasure when we receive Him and LOVE Him with all our hearts?!?!?! That blows my mind!

My God enjoys me!!! As I was praying, I could feel His eyes watching me, and it was like there was this spotlight shining down from heaven upon me. He was looking at me so intently as if there was nothing else to look at, and it was quite uncomfortable at first. But then suddenly He reminded me that He already sees all of me and He is so pleased with me!

So I just flopped backwards and looked back at Him and cried out, "Search me and know me, my God, so that I might know You! Here I am...delight in me!"

And you know what? It wasn't even scary because I know that there is nothing in me that is too ugly for Him. He will never turn away in disgust and run away from me! But instead, He lovingly and attentively moulds me and paints every detail of His character upon my heart :)

When I was at the House of Prayer on Saturday, I saw the following vision.

I saw a ballroom full of people, and all of us were standing on the sides, looking at the empty dance floor. Then Prince Jesus walked up to me and asked me to dance. I didn't know how to dance, but He wasn't worried. "Follow Me," He said and so I did. He led and I responded and together we dance and twirled and looked so good together.

He said to me, "Out of a crowd of people, I would choose you. Beloved, it has always been you. You have always been the one for Me." (I know that He was speaking this not just to me, but to all of us who are His.)

Then I heard Him say, "Wait for Me. Do not grow weary but watch and wait, for I will surely come. I will surely come for you and bring you home with Me. I have not forgotten you but My heart is ravished by you. I will come for you. I will not tarry but I will come for you."

He impressed it so strongly upon my heart that He will come for me, and it moved me so much to remember once again that this life we live on earth is so small, so little, and that when our lives on earth is over, we will be able to see Him face to face and gaze into His eyes of love. I couldn't stop weeping as He said all this to me, because I was just longing for Him so much and I am hungry for the day when I can stand before Him and feel His arms of love around me.

As I stood there worshipping, I saw Him breathe and blow upon my heart, and all these seeds and fragrance were released all around me. In the intimacy of this moment, I knew that I would give up everything just to touch heaven and be with Him. Everything faded away until all there was left was burning, consuming love. In that moment, even my greatest desire here on earth to be married faded away until I realised that if I never get married, I wouldn't just be okay, but that I would be blessed because then He would be the Only One.

"Wait for Me," He said, and I realised that even the greatest marriages here on earth are but a shadow of the real marriage that will take place in heaven! Where I will know the greatest intimacy that I have ever known, and where all my desires and dreams will be satisfied in Him!

I want to waste my life on Him! I want to pour out extravagent worship and devotion to Him that will be mocked and scorned by the world, but I will smile and rejoice because I know that I have everything my heart has ever searched for. I don't want to be "useful", I don't want to have a "function", I just want to praise and worship Him all the days of my life.

I cried out to Him, "Consume me, consume me, Jesus!!!" and I saw a vision of myself being burnt at the stake. When I looked closer, I saw that I was not even tied to the stake, but that I was free! I was choosing to be burnt alive in the fire of His love, and as the fire consumed me, my face was radiant with joy. The more the fire burned, the more radiant I became and the louder I worshipped because I knew that though the fire might hurt at times, He purifies me so that I can draw ever closer and closer to Him.

Jesus, You are my Treasure! You are the only true Treasure in this world! The only One worth investing my everything in!!!! Take from me and make it Yours! I love you!!!!!!

Tonight I was at the "Book of Joel" conference, and it was pretty cool because God showed me a new side to Himself while we were worshipping.

As we lost ourselves in worship, I heard Jesus' voice saying, "I am the Captain of the Hosts," and as I looked, I saw myself standing on the edge of a cliff, quite high up but there was still a way to keep going up. As I gazed into the distance, I saw the enemy forming ranks far away at the horizon and they were beginning to march towards me. I remember thinking, "Oh Jesus, You better come soon because they're getting closer..."

Then, the worship leader started singing these words, "I pledge allegiance to Jesus, to Jesus. I pledge allegiance to the Lamb." I suddenly saw myself standing before Jesus and I was part of His army. He had the form of a man but He was like blazing fire and I had never seen Him like that before. He was terrifying and fearsome...definitely not a meek lamb, or the vulnerable lovesick God that He's been revealing Himself to me as lately. He was so strong, terrifying in His glory, and as I stood befoore Him, I couldn't stop crying because I saw myself, a tiny little girl dressed in full armour with a shiny, big sword in my hand and I knew that I whether I live or die, I would fight with everything I am for His cause.

My heart was so captured by something greater and bigger than myself, and I knew that I stand as a lovesick warrior for His kingdom. I knew that I would do anything to be part of this grand plan of His, and for the first time in my life, I felt myself being swept up into the climax of the grandest adventure this world has ever known. I knew that I would endure all things, and that everything would fade away as I held fast to the visions He has hidden in my heart.

My heart was just crying out that battle cry (yeah, yeah, I know this isn't very flowerly and girly, but it was so cooooool! I think that even though girls are all 'soft' and stuff, there is something inside us that wants that adventure and to have something to live and die for) of allegiance to my King, and I just knew that I was willing to pay the price, pay the cost to fight for Him. No matter how hard it is, no matter how much suffering, I believe so strongly in Him and His love burns so deeply within my heart that I will give everything to fight in the frontlines for Him and with Him.

Oh...it was just so cool! I love Jesus so much when He was revealing Himself to me as Bridegroom, but I know that that isn't all of Him...there's so many more sides to Him that I haven't seen and I for one am so thrilled to see Him in all His different names. I was so blown away when I saw Him as the Captain of the Hosts tonight because I was like, "Wow...You are the One whose chest I lean my head upon...but look at YOU! You are so fearsome, so strong, so mighty and I never even realised it before!!!"

He is the strongest, most mightiest man who has ever walked across the face of this earth! And when the trumpet sounds, when He shouts, I will charge and run into the darkness, knowing that in Him, victory has already been given! I will not creep into the darkness, I will not walk, but I will run, willingly, with an abandoned heart, giving my all for my King!!!

I am so excited! He is raising up not just His family, but His army too! It takes wisdom to know what He is doing in each season, and I know that for me, He is showing me now what it means to be part of His army and what it means to fight. I think we all have these worldly concepts of what it means to fight, but really, my fight is to be on my knees, to die to myself, to LOVE in spite of abuse, insults and hurts!

Oh man...He never fails to fascinate me!!! I've never seen Him like this before and while I was terrified of how powerful He was, at the same time, I was soooooooooooooooo THRILLED!!! He is not just the meek Lamb, but the roaring Lion of Judah!

Tonight at 180, I felt the Lord say, "It is your birthright, your inheritance to know and experience My delight in you! It is your birthright to be dripping with the oil of gladness and joy, because it is never anything you do, but who you are to Me."

Then I saw a vision of me, darkness all within me, and as we worshipped the darkness was pulled out of me and placed onto Jesus. He was hanging on the cross, white and all pure, until my sin touched Him, and He went gray and black. But there I was, white and glowing with splendor, and as I was horrified with how black Jesus had become, suddenly all the darkness on Him was consumed and He disappeared off the cross. He reappeared next to me, shining in all His glory, white and pure once again, because sin and death could not hold Him down!

And as He stood next to me, both of us glowing with light, He spoke, "No more shame, no more guilt. They are not fitting for My bride to wear, for I bore every sin of yours on the cross. I clothe you with My righteousness, My holiness, My purity. Receive My embrace and love!"

I was at a Prayer Mountain meeting tonight at church and it was so cool, because I went not expecting to have anything to give, but God kept reminding me of all these things He wanted me to say! I love it when I have those times when I open my mouth and He just fills it! At one point, I had my eyes closed and God just started speaking through me and I was so stunned because He just kept speaking and speaking and speaking, and suddenly I broke off the flow in amazement and said, 'Oh CRAP, where did that come from?!?!' He blows my mind!

He reminded me tonight of a vision I saw a year ago where I was in the sky with Jesus, floating over a huge ocean. There was the most beautiful sunset, and as far as I could see, the sea stretched from horizon to horizon and reflected all the golds and reds of the sunset. As I looked, I saw angels all around Jesus and me, and they were singing in adoration, worshipping and bowing down to Jesus. Then suddenly, they stopped, and all of heaven was silent as Jesus opened His mouth to speak.

He took my hand and intertwined His fingers with mine and lifted our arms up. Then He opened His mouth and said, "Today, I declare before heaven and earth that Tiffany is the bride that I have chosen. She is forever Mine." and then all of heaven cheered, because the King of kings and the Lord of lords had chosen and I was found to be worthy because of His precious blood that was shed for me.

Tonight, I saw that same vision again, and Jesus told me, "Remember, no matter what obstacles you face, no matter how you feel you fail Me, no matter what mistakes you make, remember that I have chosen YOU. I have chosen YOU. You are mine and I will never let you go." I know I struggle so much sometimes with questions of 'who am I?', 'what is my purpose?' and 'why am I so weak?'. But tonight, He showed me so clearly that it doesn't even matter who I am or what I do, because all that matters is that He has CHOSEN me.

And if He has chosen me...

Then He's chosen YOU.

God has no favourites. Everything that I've ever experienced is true for the Body of Christ too! Hallelujah! What a God we serve! He is more than able to give ALL of Himself of ALL of us...He doesn't have to split Himself and gives only parts of Himself to us, but He withholds none of His love and heart from us. He has lavished it upon us and I rejoice as I receive His showers and rains of everlasting love!!!

"Light doesn't say a word...it just shines! Just let that shine and people will be drawn to that light inside of you, which is Jesus." - Bill Yount

I am finally understanding more and more of what God meant when He told me not to hold back from speaking His Words. In the last year, He has told me through 7 different people who didn't really know me that He has anointed my words and that I wasn't to hold back, but I've been a bit confused (okay, that is the understatement of the year) about what this means.

Last night when I was talking to my good friend Chris, he pointed out one of my blind spots which was that a lot of the times, when God speaks to me, I'm so thrilled that He's even speaking to me that I don't bother to ask for clarification when I have questions about how He wants me to do what He's saying. Instead, I kind of sit there and try and 'guess' at what He means.

At first, I thought that God meant, speak more! Keep sharing the things He's revealed to me and what He's placed in my heart. So, with my usual overly enthusiastic nature, I opened my heart to nearly everyone and everything was exposed to them, because I was determined that everyone would see how good God has been to me. But that somehow didn't really work, and because of my mixed up understanding of what He was asking from me, I ended up not really showing any discretion or wisdom with who I trust, and I ended up getting hurt by several people. So of course I started thinking, "Hmm...there must be a better way to do this" and took Chris' advice and asked God for further clarification.

Turns out that when God told me not to hold back with my words, He didn't mean talk more and more! He actually meant listen more, but don't hold back from saying the things that need to be said in love and truth. Be wise and discerning, choosing my words carefully, not blurting everything I say out loud without discretion.

Thank God for clarifying this! I can see now the distinction between opening your heart and sharing things with only a select few that I trust, and speaking into people's lives whenever He prompts me to...those two do not necessarily have to be connected! You can speak into people's lives without having to share everything in your heart. I get it now! What a relief! I was getting pretty sick of constantly thinking that the principle of living a transparent and honest life meant exposing everything to everyone. It was a pretty scary place to live at!

"But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." - Luke 2:19

May I be given wisdom and discernment to know who to trust, and what to share, and what the Lord has revealed to me that is for my heart alone. Amen!

The storm is passing and I'm starting to catch the first glimpse of the rainbow.

His promises never fails and His Word always stands. I was so lost and confused last week, but He was faithful, and He found me and brought me out of the pit that I had fallen in. Things are starting to have a sense of flow and His peace and joy are reigning in my heart once again. Praise the Lord!

Yesterday I went to this awesome soaking session, and God gave me this vision of myself spinning around Jesus, so fast, so frantic, so enthusiastic. Jesus kept trying to hold me in His arms so that we could fly to the places He wanted to go to, but I couldn't stay in His embrace and kept pulling away to spin around Him.

He said to me, "You're staying close to Me, but you're not going anywhere because you're not resting in My arms."

Then I saw a long, dusty road stretching out into the distance, and there I was on His back, clinging on like a koala. I said to Jesus, "Lord, I'm so heavy if you carry me we're going to go so slowly. Let me walk!" But He said, "Watch."

And as I watched, He started running faster and faster, and I could feel the wind on my face, in my hair, and I saw the scenery on either side of the path flying past.

He said, "It's time for you to start running with horses and not with men. You have run well with men, but things are going to get tougher and you will not be able to run with horses unless I carry you. You need to learn to rest in My embrace and let Me do the heavy-lifting. You must remember to let the power of My Holy Spirit empower you to do everything I've asked you to do."

I'm still not quite sure what my vision means...the Lord is still slowly revealing it to me and today He showed me that the first part of my vision is the way I treat my quiet times with Him. I'm there with Him, spending time with Him, hours in fact, but He does not have my undivided attention. I am distracted, washing dishes, listening to the TV as I try and hear and read His Word...multi-tasking to the max.

Just as I quickly tire of spending time with people who aren't fully present, so He too gets tired of all my flitting about. He wants me to get back into the stillness, the quiet, and focus all my heart, soul, mind and strength upon Him because He loves me so much.

Tonight I put aside all the distractions and gave Him my undivided attention, and wow, it was so powerful. Who knew??? (Don't answer that!)

Man, I am absolutely exhausted! I've been attending the Go Fest Asia mission conference these last few days and I've had hardly any sleep. Liyien and Sharon (two friends from Malaysia) came down for the conference and stayed at mine, so every night we stayed up late talking, which meant that every morning we felt like we were dying when we had to wake up.

The conference was pretty good, but the highlight was definitely during the Friday night evening rally where Loren Cunningham (founder of YWAM) gave a message on reaching the next generation. At the end of his message, he gave an altar call and asked those who were willing to give up everything and give their lives to serve Jesus to come up to the front as a public commitment to Jesus. Well, I had already been laying this down during my quiet times with God so I didn't need any urging. It's pretty funny how much I've changed though...in the past, with these huge conferences, I always waited till lots of people had walked to the front before I got out of my seat.

This time though, I really didn't care what anyone thought, I just wanted God to know that I was so serious about Him, and I practically jumped over my friend next to me and raced to the front. I think I was actually the first one there, lol! Talk about being way too enthusiastic! But man, it was so good. When Loren was praying over us, my heart was pumping so fast and my whole body was just shaking and vibrating with so much life inside. I really thought I was going to pass out.

Loren was talking about how it was so possible to see the fulfillment of the Great Commission during my generation's lifetime if everyone played their part. Can you imagine how crazy that would be? Just the thought of it stirred up something in my heart and I was weeping at the thought of our Father finally having all His children home and every tribe and nation having had the chance to hear about Him.

I don't know the specifics of the plan God has for my life, but I know this: That no matter where He calls me, I will go. He will lead, and I will follow, and I want my life to be poured out for the glory of His name. No matter what the cost, I know that His grace will be sufficient.

Oh Lord, ever since I chose once and for all who I would serve last year, You ignited the spark that was in me and everyday the fire burns hotter. Give me Your grace, that I would never lose this fire but that I would walk with You everyday of my life. Burn me of everything that is not of You, refine me and purify me and make me like You. Consume me, Lord, that there would be nothing left in me but passion, desire and love for You. Restrain me in Your love and keep me on Your straight and narrow path.

I press on towards the prize, and I want to live for the applause of heaven and not of earth. Help me, Lord, because I am nothing without You. Give me the nations and give me the world because Your heart is for man. I want what You want, Lord, so give me Your heart and mind, that I would feel and think Your emotions and thoughts. I want less of me and more of You! Give me Your broken heart for the lost and needy and fill me with Your divine love that it would overflow and touch those who need it. I am Yours, Lord, and Yours alone.

Prophecies can be so dangerous if we don't examine them according to the Word and ask God for confirmation. Even the most righteous and holy man can potentially give the wrong message not because they heard wrongly but because of the way they express themselves. For me, the prophecy that was said over me a few days ago caused me so much grief because the language that the person used was received by me in a way that made me feel so condemned. I have so many hurts and hangups that I felt so humiliated and shamed by the prophecy.

Thank God though that when I finally went to Him (after 2 days of not sleeping and LOTS of crying) and asked Him for the real message, He spoke the same prophecy to me but in the words and language that I understand. I see now that the essence of the message was pretty much the same, but because different words mean different things to me, I interpreted what the guy said so wrongly.

The lesson that God's been teaching me through this is that He wants to draw me into a new season where He doesn't use other people as much to speak to me because He wants to speak directly to me Himself. The leaders here are so anointed and so accurate in hearing from God that I fell into the trap of seeking them instead of seeking God. This whole prophecy thing has showed me that it's so important that whilst we must always be humble to receive other people's input into our lives, we must hear from God ourselves and seek Him and not other people.

The Lord spoke to me today when everyone was praying over me in small group. I felt God saying to me that He wanted to take me so deep in intimacy that I won't have to steal away to be alone with Him to be able to sense and feel His presence, because His presence will be constantly with me. Right as God was saying that to me, Liyien confirmed it by praying it out loud!

AWESOME!

We learnt THE coolest thing today. Jimmy's been teaching us on how to hear the voice of God, and he had us split into groups of 4 today where we were supposed to ask God for a word of encouragement for each person and then give it to them. Freaky stuff! I thought he was joking when he instructed us, but he WASN'T!

Today was a rough day...God brought up to the surface my deep rooted fears of abandonment and I spent my hour of quiet time bawling like a baby because I was so scared that one day, I would wake up and He would be gone. I feel like I've entered a fairy tale where Jesus is my Prince, and although I know that He'll never leave me nor forsake me, I guess deep down, so many people have walked away from me that I am absolutely terrified that He will do the same.

It's so hard because I really do know how weak and unworthy I am. I can't breathe, eat, wake up without Him, let alone try and navigate through life. Oh Lord, if you should ever leave me, I would surely die.

But thank God, for His perfect mercy, because during the encouragement time today, He spoke words of comfort into my heart through the people in my group (who didn't have any knowledge of what I was struggling with!!! So cool.)

Melanie saw God putting a new robe around me and wrapping His arms around me. He's been healing me and removing all the old things from my life, but now is a season where He's clothing me with my new nature. He wants to transform me so much that my past seems so far away and I won't be able to even remember some of the memories. He will remove the sting and emotions from all these memories and cause me to be able to see that He was always there. He was there even then but I wasn't able to receive His love, but now I can and He wants to take away all my fears, loneliness and feelings of abandonment.

Aafke saw God the Father smiling down on me and I'm skipping and dancing around everyone. There's a joy and sweetness around me and it comes from my Father's love. This joy spreads to everyone around me and my Father is so pleased wiht me.

Joy saw me in a courtyard in front of a great big house. The courtyard is so small but to me, it's so big and I'm so excited and happy with it. However, God is saying, 'Come into My house!' because He wants to give me more and more than what I already have.

Jimmy saw me with a new shiny crown on my heart and it says, 'I belong'. God will never leave me, and I don't have to fear anymore. The verse God gave him for me was, "I am my lover's and my lover is mine." (Song of Solomon 6:3)

Isn't our God just so magnificent? He comforts me in all my sorrows.