Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts

8 days till I get married!

Time has flown by so incredibly fast and I can barely keep up! Who would've thought that when I first started this blog in August 2006 as an outlet for all my emotions while going through recovery for alcohol abuse, that only 4 years later, I would be getting married!!! Wow, God is so good.

The last 9 months since Damian and I have gotten together have been some of the best months of my life, as well as some of the hardest times. God has been doing an intense cleaning and refining in me, and bringing up lots of unresolved pain from the past in preparation for marriage. Things have definitely accelerated so fast that there were times I wasn't sure that I could keep up. All in all though, God has not only proven Himself to be faithful time and time again, but He has also given me such a wonderful and patient man to walk through the whole process with me.

Sometimes I sit on my couch and am so overwhelmed as I think, "Who am I? Who am I that my God should bless me so much?" My cup is overflowing with His love, and even though I am so often blind and deaf, His love and great mercy to me is evident everywhere I turn.

I was reading John 13:1-17 the other day, and I remembered a vision I saw a long time ago of Jesus washing my feet. It was the most amazing thing, slightly awkward and uncomfortable as I saw the great I AM washing my feet (initially I kept telling Him that I didn't want Him to, that I should be the one washing His feet), but definitely so beautiful. There was this look of love in His eyes that was so passionate and full of delight that it went straight into my heart and pierced it. I was so moved at the love that my God had for me, and never had I seen such a gaze of love in anyone's eyes before. He was looking at me as if I was the most beautiful and treasured person in the whole world.

As I remembered this vision, I was suddenly reduced to tears as I realized something. Since the time I saw that vision, I HAVE seen this look again. I see this look in Damian's eyes during intimate moments when the world just stops and stands still as we gaze into each others' eyes. He looks at me with the same eyes that I saw in my beautiful Lord. How can words even begin to describe all the emotions that I was feeling at this moment? How could I, the one who was so despised, broken, and full of sin, be the same one that He has chosen to bestow such riches upon???

I am in awe of the great mercy and compassion of my Lord. That He would choose to allow me to see a glimpse of His love through Damian everyday and show me how precious and treasured I am to Him...wow, He really does bring us from glory to glory!!!

I am so excited to enter into marriage next week Sunday :) Damian has definitely been the greatest gift God has ever given me after Himself, and even though it has been hard at times as Damian and I have had to battle to stand firm in His word when He was dredging up a lot of shame in me from my past, I know that life will just keep getting better and better because we are with Him! Our joy is not dependent on our circumstances around us or the storms in our lives, but when we are in Him and growing closer to Him everyday, life becomes such an adventure! I just can't wait to experience more and more of His love in the days to come, and I am overjoyed at having Damian and many wonderful loved ones to share all this with!

I still can't believe that I'm getting married in July!!!

As I sat here spending time with Him tonight, I couldn't stop crying because His love was touching me in the deepest places of my heart. I remembered a memory from May last year on Mother's Day when I had shared with a group of people about the shame and guilt from my past. I was received with so much love that night, and a really good friend of mine had spoken words over me. He prayed that as I walked down the aisle on my wedding day, that I would know that my husband is not thinking about my past at all, but that as I looked into his eyes, there would so much love and delight in them that I would see Father God gazing at me through him.

During that night, I had hoped that this would be true one very distant day in the future, but I had never really dared to believe that it really was possible. I didn't even know how Damian felt about me until a few months later, but somehow God has just done one miracle after another to bring us together. I would never have thought that I could experience a love like this on earth.

Tonight, as He whispered into my ears of what my friend had prayed on Mother's Day, I was overcome with emotion as I suddenly realized that it has all come true. I know that I know that I KNOW, that when I walk down that aisle on July 25th, I will see Damian standing there gazing at me with so much love, and I will experience a taste of just how much my God loves me. I still can't believe this is all happening to me...

About a year and half ago, God spoke to me and promised me that He would give me a husband who would love me the way that He loves me, and that through him, I would come to a deeper and fuller revelation of Jesus' love for me. He is so good to me that I don't even know what to say! Everyday, as I walk with Damian and see the ways that he loves me, I sometimes feel like Jesus is there in the flesh loving me. I see my God, alive, living and breathing inside of my Damian, and I am in awe. Damian is this little jar of clay carrying the spirit of the Almighty God and what a wonder it is to witness the power of His love flowing through Damian.

I am honoured, blessed and so privileged to be spending the rest of my life with my Damian, the one that my God has chosen for me. :)