God is never content to leave us where we are, but He is committed to seeing us grow deeper and stronger. Back in the day when I wrote this post, I couldn't see past what was in front of me, but God could see the bigger picture. He knew that the day would come when I no longer felt stuck in-between the Christian and non-Christian world, but that I would have both feet firmly in His kingdom.

I won't deny that I still struggle with certain issues, but the day has come where I am no longer controlled by them. Where I once was helpless, I now have a choice. I thought the day would never come when I was no longer plagued by an unrestrained need to destroy myself, but that day has come, and though I hurt right now, God is my refuge, and not alcohol, cigarettes or relationships.

In this post from December 2006, I quoted a line from an article that says, "I’m not Christian enough for my Christian friends, and too Christian for all the people who have ever meant anything to me" because it described exactly how I felt. I remember how lost and torn I felt and continued to feel until about July this year. I'm so pleased to testify that God is faithful and I now know without a doubt where I belong, and that it is with my brothers and sisters in Christ that I feel most at home. I have picked a side and stuck to it, and the constant war and battle is gone, because where there used to be lots of grey, there is now only black and white. How much easier is life when you can see God's way or the world's way, and you know immediately which way you're going to pick?