Or maybe it's the internal changes that makes me view the world differently. All I know is, nothing is the same anymore...nothing fits into my old expectations, and everything more than surpasses the level I could've hoped for. The Lord is healing the parts of me that enable me to receive love and that is making such a difference. Even with people I've only just met, I feel connected and accepted...the old awkwardness is fading away, and my expectation of disappointment and hurt is gone.

I went out with Serene and Xingni tonight to Holland Village and I was just blown away by how easy and comfortable everything was. No one watching us would have been able to tell that I'd only met these girls once last week. I had such an awesome time eating noodles and expensive ice cream, and sitting on swings and laughing. Oh the laughter...we laughed so hard till our bellies ached all night. God is good.

God arranged it so that I would have alone time with each of them tonight, Serene at the beginning of the night, and Xingni right at the end, and both of them individually asked me to share more of my testimony. And so I did. There is no more shame in me in being honest about what I was and where I came from, because I know what the Lord has done in me. The old me is dead, and the new me that is in Christ is the one who is alive today. God did not save me and bless me in so that I can keep it to myself, He redeemed me so that I can testify to the world about His saving grace! And so I will faithfully proclaim to everyone who asks what He has done for me and in me.

There was just such a sense of His presence and peace tonight when I was sharing with both of them. Xingni shared her testimony with me too, and it really touched me, because it showed me that even though I messed up big time, I'm not unique. Even though other people may not have messed up as much as me, we're all the same. Without God, none of us have a purpose, a reason for living...everyone's empty inside, even if they won't admit it to the world, and without God, none of us have a hope of experiencing true joy and peace. I used to believe that other people had it all together. But the more I listen to other people's testimonies, the more I realise that people all wear masks, and that it's only when we're so broken inside that God can come with His awesome power and take over from the miserable job that we're doing in our lives.