Being a fairly new Christian  

Posted by Tiffany in

"Nobody’s going to lie to you: being a Christian has never been easy. Although salivating lions no longer threaten, MTV-stylized culture presents equal danger in the slick smiles of pop stars. And you think Christianity is hard? Try living a life empty of Christ. Impossible.

Yet there is something even more fraught with peril than either of those paths -- a life filled with guilt, a constant sense of failing, and utter confusion.

I go home dejected. Where do I fit in? I’m not Christian enough for my Christian friends, and too Christian for all the people who have ever meant anything to me. I have disappointed everyone, most especially myself. I am an utter failure as a person.

Worse, I don’t even know what I believe. Do I truly think that a movie is going to poison my mind for all eternity? Do I really want to go back to the life of bar-hopping that had driven me to Jesus in the first place? Who's right?"
Even with the progress I've made over the last 6 months, I still feel stuck in the in-between. I thought that I was firmly standing with God, but only recently have I realised just how easy it is to fall away. In the beginning, I felt so much joy walking with God, but as I started walking with other Christians, somewhere along the way I started feeling like I had to live up to their expectations. This drew me away from pleasing God towards pleasing people, and somehow over the last week, I've been so overwhelmed with feeling that I could never reach those expectations that I just wanted to throw in the towel and walk away.

I lost myself and focus in some friendships recently and my own faith started feeling like it wasn't my own but dependent on other people. I want to take a step back from spending so much time with friends and begin to spend more time alone with God, especially now that it's Christmas season. Spending so much time with friends made me feel like I was in a constant tug-of-war between the Christian and non-Christian world. Until I figure out and am able to stand firmly with God, I need to devote more of my time to growing than socializing.

This entry was posted on Monday, December 18, 2006 at Monday, December 18, 2006 and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

5 comments

Abz.  

you finally updated! wut a coicnidence that u updated and i checked ur site cuz i havent been here in a while.

i hope you've been alright lately :) i admire u for ur decision, and know that im missing you dearly. you'll be okay..i used to feel like the same way u do right now too- just never put it in words. Now you have. No wonder i've always felt like i could never relate to christians and "click" with them.

...Until I met you, that is.

:)

miss you, did you get my email? call me soon...before i go to toronto and new york this thursday xox!

12/19/2006 3:33 PM
Anonymous  

Lily, this is very mature~being transparent with fellow believers. I know how hard it can be at times. I didn't become a believer until I was 35 yrs. old and experienced many of the same things you talk about.

When I was saved, I gave up all my old friends (for a time) and stopped listening to the same music. It was even hard for me to go to a mall because of the "piped in" music.

Don't mean to ramble on, just want to encourage you to remember that the only person you have to please is God himself! And you do that by being a follower of Christ. Sometimes you can be hurt more by believers than by the lost.

I'll be praying for you. Blessings to you.

12/19/2006 9:47 PM
Anonymous  

Good for you- realizing you need to live for God and not your friends. It's a hard thing to do sometimes, but you're on the right track!

12/20/2006 6:06 AM
Chris  

I would rather see you standing firm with God than see ever trying to please your any of your friends--even the close ones. I would so gladly step away to see you advance towards God. It's all about Him anyhow. Remember, never stop chasing Him--NEVER!

12/21/2006 11:25 PM
Chris  

SORRY Couldn't write correctly earlier. Here's the edited version. You can trash the the other one if you want.

I would rather see you standing firm with God than seeing you trying to please any of your friends--even the close ones. I would so gladly step away to see you advance towards God if I was in the way. It's all about Him anyhow. Remember, never stop chasing Him--NEVER!

12/21/2006 11:29 PM

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