I don't know why but I feel like sharing something very personal and intimate to me...maybe it's that 4am syndrome where you're all reflective and wanting to share your emotions or maybe it's something else, but whatever it is, I feel like sharing something that means so much to me :)

Shortly after I received Jesus into my heart about 4 years ago, I read the Bible and saw that whenever something big happened to someone, they were always given a new name. For example, Jacob become Israel, and Naomi became Mara. So, I asked God whether I had a new name because I knew that meeting Him was that 'big' thing that happened to me, and for some reason, I always felt since that day that He had called me 'Lily'.

For the longest time, I knew deep down inside me that this was His secret name for me, and I thought it was cool because lilies are really pretty flowers, but it didn't really have any other special meaning for me. Well, last year when I was still in Singapore after completing my DTS, I was feeling particularly discouraged one day and I was crying out to God. That day though, His answer completely surprised me. He said, "Tiff, have you ever wondered why I gave you the new name Lily? Look it up on Google." (Hahaha, He knows His technology!!!)

So I did...and what I found blew me away. As soon as I saw that the name Lily meant 'beauty, purity and innocence', I just broke down because I could not believe it. My whole life, I have always felt so ugly, so dirty; innocence shattered by all the pain and horrors that were done to me and by sins that I committed. These were the areas of my heart that were most destroyed by the enemy of my soul, and these were the areas that most needed to be redeemed.

But God in His mercy, before I even saw any hint of beauty, purity or innocence in my life, called me by the name that would be what I would become. He was "the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were" (Romans 4:17). Even before I became those things, He already knew that He would heal and redeem me! I was just so blown away by His unfailing love, that when I was at my most filthiest mess, He called me pure, beautiful and innocent. He did not wait till I was 'acceptable' by worldly standards to love me and embrace me, but He met me in my darkest hour and He not only rescued me but He reversed every curse that was in operation in my life.

My Jesus...oh my Jesus! I will never know how much You suffered for me, and I never want to insult You by trying to 'pay You back', because Your blood that was shed for me has no price that I can ever come close to paying. But with everything I am, with all my heart, make me completely Yours. Thank You for washing me and taking away all my shame, all my disgrace. You have clothed me with Your garments and all the world will know that I am Yours.