I got to share with everyone an awesome revelation that God has been showing me at Prayer Mountain this Thursday, and even though it was cool and quite a few people said that they really received from the Lord from it, I can't help thinking that there was meant to be more. I know that while I was sharing, it was such a battle to remain focused and to hear what God was saying, and for most of the meeting, I kept feeling like we were flowing in the Spirit, then stopping, then flowing again, and it was all so disjointed. Half the time I felt as if we were not coming in line with what the Spirit was doing. I wasn't sure if I was discerning this accurately, but today the leader's wife called me and told me that she felt the same thing that I felt.

Which got me thinking...you know, when I first received these revelations about 2 weeks ago, I really felt that God was telling me to clear my schedule for the next 2 weeks and seek His face. I knew that He wanted me to fast and pray and to keep pressing in to what He was showing me...but...in the last 2 weeks, I barely sought His face. *sigh* Somehow there was one event after another and I was just busy, busy, busy and so distracted. Every night I'd be like, 'Ooops, God, please help me to spend time with You tomorrow," but I never really took it very seriously. Maybe it would've made a difference, maybe it wouldn't have, I guess I'll never know.

What I do know though is that my schedule, time and energy is still unsurrendered to God. He's been speaking to me for a while now about surrendering my 'right' to do whatever I want with my time, but I haven't really been walking this out in full. I think He let me get away with it in the past, but now He's really emphasizing it a lot. The truth is, I haven't really been very faithful with how I've been using my time. My grades are not what they should be, I'm socializing rather than spending time with Him, sleeping at weird hours so that I'm too tired to wake up to spend time with Him in the morning, and making vows to fast but then breaking it instead of following through. I guess I've been excusing it for a while, but tonight I felt really convicted about it (among other things) because I really do want Him to be glorified through every area of my life!

He's teaching me new things and new lessons...I had gotten good at applying all the other stuff that He had shown me before, and I was walking in all of it, but now He's showing me new stuff and I really want to apply it instead of wasting time and going round in circles.

He's been calling my name for a while now and inviting me to fly higher and higher with Him, but I know that if I really want to fly with my Love, then I have to be willing to allow Him to strip me of everything that hinders me and weighs me down. Oh, how I long to soar in the skies with Him!!!

Help m to surrender, Lord! Unless You help me, I cannot! I know that You see my heart and see my longing to go deeper and higher with You...help me to surrender all my 'rights' for the sake of knowing You and Your amazing love. I give You all my rights to make my own schedule and agenda, and as I use my freewill to choose You, help me to walk out a life that is completely dependent upon Your grace. I want to know You more!!!