I know nothing.

Honestly, the more I walk with Him, the more I realise that I know absolutely nothing. I can do absolutely nothing apart from Him and I dare not trust myself at all. I am frustrated by my weaknesses, and I am fed up by all my failed attempts to change myself...this is why I need a Saviour...There is nothing I can do, with the most passionate of human zeal to ever change this deceitful heart of mine.

As I was praying earlier, I was a vision of me entering into the throne room of God but there was this long checklist trailing behind me. On it, I saw certain items like, 'Spend time with God', 'Prayed for people', 'Listened to someone's problems', 'Encouraged someone'...

These were the things that I didn't realise that I did to make myself 'feel' righteous and like a 'good Christian', but God showed me that this was actually a work of my flesh apart from Christ, and that this was not what He desired for me. Jesus wanted me to know that it is only by His blood that I am made righteous and that He wanted me to lose all those lists of demands and expectations that I place upon myself. No more, 'I should' and 'I shouldn't', but just a deep knowing that there is no performance involved in my Father's love for me.

I try and try and try to please Him, but everytime without fail, I fall flat on my face.

Oh Lord, help me!!! Only You can change this prideful, hardened heart of mine...