Posted by Tiffany

I can only describe the last few months as a major distraction to my walk with God.

If any of my fellow bloggers are reading this, then please forgive me for being absent not only from my own blog, but from commenting and reading your blogs. I'm back now, though, and I will endeavor to remain more connected.

Is there anything that separates us so completely from God like sin? Because, if I had to sum up in one word why God felt so distant the last few months, then it would have to be sin. It doesn't even have to be 'big' sin, but something seemingly innocent like a relationship or even dependence on anything else other than God.

For me? It all began when I stopped trusting Christ in me, and listening to others. I listened to their logical and philosophical arguments and swayed by their persuasions, turned one way when that quiet, still voice in me told me to turn another. As I stepped out of obedience to God, I started taking things into my own hands, because I knew that God was displeased with me. That's when it was so easy to slide downhill into sin.

Now, to the world, what I had been involved in would seem to be normal, common and acceptable. A night out at a club with friends, skipping church to sleep in, staying over at a boyfriend's house...it all seems so innocent. But it isn't. And deep down, I knew it was not how I should be walking. It's not because I want to have some holier than thou attitude, but because I don't want to profess my faith, and live out something different.

It was such a huge wake up call when I was out at a club with a friend recently, and I mentioned to him that all my friends were at church participating in an all-night prayer session. He asked me if I believed in God, and I said 'yes', and then he said something that I will never forget. He, a non-Christian looked at me and said, 'No, you don't. If you really did, you would be at church with your friends, and not out here drinking.' Wow, it felt like someone had thrown a huge bucket of ice water over me.

Something just clicked, and as much as I hated the truth in what he said, it was what I needed to evaluate my life. Yes, I have fun when I went out clubbing with friends. Yes, I have an awesome time staying over at my boyfriend's house playing video games and lying in each other's arms. But above all, I love God. As much as I like/love my boyfriend, he will never be what God is to me. It's not that he's a bad guy or anything, it's that when I'm with him, God takes a backseat. God isn't even second place, He's last place, and that makes my life so grey and dreary.

These last few months have been so draining because every single second of the day, I had to distract myself from the truth that I had turned my back on God. I don't know if I'm making any sense right now, it's hard to put into words what's been going on the last few months, but the main point that I went to get across is that, yes, I was happy, but without God, I was not joyful. Nothing makes sense without God. The world has some great and wonderful things, but that is nothing compared to the wonder of knowing God. I tasted of His goodness before, and the world can never satisfy me for long, because there's always this pull, this longing for something more.

Thank God for His grace that enabled me to come back to Him last night, not in guilt and condemnation, but in humility and repentance. Thank God for His mercy, that He showered me in peace and a quiet joy as soon as I confessed my weaknesses and shortcomings.

Even if no one understands me, I pray for His grace to keep my eyes focused on Him to carry out His will.

This entry was posted on Monday, July 09, 2007 at Monday, July 09, 2007 . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .


I thought you were never coming back!!

I am so happy you have come back to God. Remember the story of the prodigal? Your Father in heaven is rejoicing over your return just as that mans father did.

His Grace is so amazing. So un-understandable for we are so undeserving yet he gives us His grace without thought or question. He saves us with His grace.

I am so glad to see you again Lily.

8/08/2007 4:37 PM

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