My cat Kim died last week Saturday. I wish I had a photo of him to put up here but I don't. I'm sure there's one somewhere but I need to look for it. Anyways, he was with my family for 10 years - 2 different countries and 6 different homes. He was a well-travelled and well-loved cat. He didn't eat fish or drink milk, and boy, did he love water! A few days before he passed away, I was putting on my contact lenses after showering, and as I turned to walk out the bathroom, I saw him playing in the bathtub!

It took me a few days before I felt any grief, and surprisingly, I wasn't so much broken over his death, than seeing his brother Bim (yes, we purposely gave them rhyming names) who's our other cat being left behind. See, Bim has been with Kim for 10 years too, and he's always been a restless and angry cat, but Kim always calmed him down and kept him company. This last week, he's been following everyone around the house and during the nights, he sits outside my door and cries. It breaks my heart and I found myself sobbing at 5 in the morning over him.

I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I would be so upset over a cat, so I asked God to show me why, and what He showed me blew me away. See, I saw myself in Bim. Seeing him pining over Kim and desperating trying to make himself feel better by throwing himself at me and my family reminded me of all the long dark hours I spent crying over people leaving me. It seems that everytime I got close to someone, they'd end up leaving and I'd be left behind, trying to grasp at anything to take the pain away.

Praise God that is all in the past though. He revealed to me that people will always end up leaving at some point in life, either through breakups, moving away or even death, and so I can't place my dependence wholeheartedly on them. I can't use relationships to fill the emptiness inside. God is the only one who will always be there, and He will never leave or forsake me. First, I need to empty myself of everything so that He can pour out His love into me. It's only when I am dwelling in His perfect love, that I am capable of loving people without expecting them to meet my all needs.

Of course it will still hurt when people leave, but I must make sure that I am getting my needs met by God and not demanding them from others.

I miss you, Kim. Hope you're enjoying all the baths and wonderful food in Cat Heaven ;)