The Lord has been teaching me so much about what it means to love in humility and selflessness, and in the last week, I have been so convicted of how far I fall short. It has been really painful to come face to face with the reality of where I am. But, our Lord is such a merciful and kind God, and even whilst His Spirit was working in me to convict me of selfishness and pride, He was singing over me and telling me that I am beautiful.

The whole of last week, He kept speaking the verse, "The King is enthralled by your beauty" (Psalm 45:11) to me over and over, but it was so hard for me to actually believe it because of what He was showing me about my heart. It was so cool though, because at our small group on Sunday night, we prophesied over each other, and the words that I got were about how He just delights in my beauty, and that when He looks at me, He only sees me as that beautiful, radiant bride. I was so touched because He was confirming His word to me through people who had no idea of what He had been speaking to me during the week.

Yesterday was a little tough because I was struggling a little and I was just feeling so much shame. I woke up this morning and was feeling so sad because I felt so separated from Him, but immediately, I heard His voice so clearly saying, "The only thing that is hindering our fellowship right now is YOUR refusal to come to Me. You don't have to beat yourself up because I died!"

It just shook me right out of my despair over the state of my heart, and immediately I approached Him and asked Him to come. As I confessed to Him all the things that were bothering me, His presence just came and wrapped all around me, and as the tingles and shivers travelled through my body, I just knew that He was hugging me. I felt so loved in that instant and His love flooded through me and removed all my negative emotions.

But you know, our God is not just a good God, but He really is an EXTRAVAGENT God of love, and as I met Damian for lunch today, he handed me a letter that told me that he agreed with God that I am beautiful! I really felt like God was reminding me that He really does think I am so beautiful, and that even Damian thinks that too! And as if that's not enough, when I listened to my music on the way home from school, I put on a CD I haven't really heard before, and the song that came on was from an Intercessory Worship CD called "Ravished" and the lyrics were all about how "the King greatly desires your beauty" (Psalm 45:11 in the NKJV), "you have ravished My heart, My sister, My bride", "you are all-beautiful and there is no spot within you" and the part that just moved me so much was when the the singer on the CD started speaking, and he said something along the lines of, "I know that you are weak, I understand your immature love, but I remember that you said 'Yes' and even your weak glance moves My heart. You are the joy of My desire."

How amazing is our God??? It's so amazing how He just went out of His way to make sure that not a hint of shame would remain in my heart! Even as He is washing me with His word to remove every blemish from me, He is building me up and affirming me with His declarations of who I am to Him and in Him. He's been telling me not to despair over what I see, for I only see the temporal but He sees eternity, and He sees the eternal beauty and glory which I will have because I am hidden in Christ and He dwells in me! He is not worried at what He sees in me because He knows where I will end up, and He knows that on the day that Christ comes for His bride, that I will be like Him and be radiant in His glory!

He is truly a God who knows how to romance His people! He kept telling me that He really wants me to give Him full reign in my heart, and that He wants me to go deeper with Him because He is desiring ALL of me. He is so hungry to have all of me and for me to be filled to the measure of ALL the FULLNESS of God! It feels so amazing to be wanted and desired by Him. The most amazing thing is that when He shows me how much He loves me and is passionate for me, instead of taking Him for granted, His longing for me stirs up a desire in me to give myself completely to Him, to hold nothing back but to surrender and abandon all that I am in lovesick worship.

Oh, how marvellous is our God! Truly, there is no One like Him!!!!