C and I broke up last night. It hurts bad, I won't deny that, but there is a quiet peace dwelling inside me that wasn't there the whole period of time we were together.

I'm glad that he and I decided to remain friends, and I pray that it works out, but for now, my main focus is in growing in God and allowing Him to change me. A boyfriend just complicates everything. I am blessed with this season of singleness and I want to make every second count. Instead of focusing on meeting the 'right' guy, I want to focus on seeking after God and allowing Him to mould me into the 'right' person, because when He does bring my future husband into my life, I want it to be about how much I can bless him and love him, rather than how much he can meet my need for love and companionship.

Lord, I pray for Your healing balm of love to shower down on C and me, and I ask for the grace to trust and have faith in You to mend our broken hearts. Give us wisdom and discernment to stay away from the things that displease and dishonour You, and may we do that which is pleasing and right in Your eyes. In Jesus' name, Amen.

I can only describe the last few months as a major distraction to my walk with God.

If any of my fellow bloggers are reading this, then please forgive me for being absent not only from my own blog, but from commenting and reading your blogs. I'm back now, though, and I will endeavor to remain more connected.

Is there anything that separates us so completely from God like sin? Because, if I had to sum up in one word why God felt so distant the last few months, then it would have to be sin. It doesn't even have to be 'big' sin, but something seemingly innocent like a relationship or even dependence on anything else other than God.

For me? It all began when I stopped trusting Christ in me, and listening to others. I listened to their logical and philosophical arguments and swayed by their persuasions, turned one way when that quiet, still voice in me told me to turn another. As I stepped out of obedience to God, I started taking things into my own hands, because I knew that God was displeased with me. That's when it was so easy to slide downhill into sin.

Now, to the world, what I had been involved in would seem to be normal, common and acceptable. A night out at a club with friends, skipping church to sleep in, staying over at a boyfriend's house...it all seems so innocent. But it isn't. And deep down, I knew it was not how I should be walking. It's not because I want to have some holier than thou attitude, but because I don't want to profess my faith, and live out something different.

It was such a huge wake up call when I was out at a club with a friend recently, and I mentioned to him that all my friends were at church participating in an all-night prayer session. He asked me if I believed in God, and I said 'yes', and then he said something that I will never forget. He, a non-Christian looked at me and said, 'No, you don't. If you really did, you would be at church with your friends, and not out here drinking.' Wow, it felt like someone had thrown a huge bucket of ice water over me.

Something just clicked, and as much as I hated the truth in what he said, it was what I needed to evaluate my life. Yes, I have fun when I went out clubbing with friends. Yes, I have an awesome time staying over at my boyfriend's house playing video games and lying in each other's arms. But above all, I love God. As much as I like/love my boyfriend, he will never be what God is to me. It's not that he's a bad guy or anything, it's that when I'm with him, God takes a backseat. God isn't even second place, He's last place, and that makes my life so grey and dreary.

These last few months have been so draining because every single second of the day, I had to distract myself from the truth that I had turned my back on God. I don't know if I'm making any sense right now, it's hard to put into words what's been going on the last few months, but the main point that I went to get across is that, yes, I was happy, but without God, I was not joyful. Nothing makes sense without God. The world has some great and wonderful things, but that is nothing compared to the wonder of knowing God. I tasted of His goodness before, and the world can never satisfy me for long, because there's always this pull, this longing for something more.

Thank God for His grace that enabled me to come back to Him last night, not in guilt and condemnation, but in humility and repentance. Thank God for His mercy, that He showered me in peace and a quiet joy as soon as I confessed my weaknesses and shortcomings.

Even if no one understands me, I pray for His grace to keep my eyes focused on Him to carry out His will.